Friend Drama in Your Classroom? Try this!

Friend drama can be so frustrating…. for parents, teachers, students, and everyone involved!

We have all struggled with those friend groups who consistently struggle with arguing, bickering, crying, hurt feelings, and rude behavior that just has to stop.

My favorite strategy to use with those types of groups is a “friendship contract.”

Here’s what I do…

1. I sit down with the group when they are not dysregulated or arguing. This is a very important first step!!

2. I ask them to list “friendship norms" -- the qualities they want to see more of in their friend group.

3. As they list the norms off, I type them up on my device.

4. I always encourage a couple of the bullet points to be things like “anyone in the group can ask for space if they need it" or "we are still friends, even if we need space sometimes" etc. I do this because the list has to be realistic & include what the group should do if things aren’t going well. Things will inevitably take a turn at some point, so the kids in the group need to know how they should handle taking a break from each other without causing hurt feelings or drama.

5. I have them list the qualities that they don’t want to see in their friend group anymore, like lying, gossiping, or ignoring each other for example. 

6. I show them the list I have typed up on my device.

7. I review all of the bullet points on the list with them & make sure everyone in the group agrees with the list.

8. I add to the bottom of the contract specifically what will happen & which consequences will occur if the contract is broken. This is also a very important step! They need to understand exactly what the consequences will be. Some examples include: apologizing verbally & in written form, students will call their own parents & describe their behavior in detail to them, parents will be emailed by the teaher, privileges will be lost, they will need to sharpen pencils in the classroom to "give back" to the classroom community etc.

9. I put lines at the bottom of the page, print out the contract, & have every student in the group sign it.

10. Post it somewhere inconspicuous in the classroom, or keep it in a specific spot to refer back to.

    
    

This strategy works well because students…

• are able to take the lead & create their own norms

• understand exactly what will happen if the contract is broken

• realize how their actions impact other people

• are able to hold each other accountable

• learn how to establish healthy boundaries with other people

• have the opportunity to practice being assertive & respectful

After I implemented this strategy, I overheard one student saying to another at lunch, “can you please follow friendship norms right now? That’s what we all agreed to do.”

In that moment, I was SO proud. My student was establishing healthy boundaries and asking the other student to treat them how they deserved to be treated. They were assertive and respectful, AND there was no drama. The drama was completely prevented!

I have implemented this strategy many different times over the years, and every time I find that my students are better equipped to handle their small conflicts independently.

If you would like to see one of my example "Friendship Contracts," just click here and I will send it to you for free!

If you end up trying this method in your own classroom, let me know what you think by sending me a message over on Instagram @always.upper.elementary or tagging me in your posts! I would love to hear about how it worked for you!

Also, make sure to follow me on Teachers Pay Teachers at this link! You will be the first to know about my sales, freebies, and newest products.

Happy teaching!

Ms. Ringold